I know this is a long post, but as we enter Jaxon's 'month' ... and with Lori's permission, I wanted to share some of my favorite memories and post what I wrote as Jax's life sketch. It's full of fun memories that we all have of him and his amazing little personality.
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The story of Jaxon Ryan Smith is one of the sweetest ever told. To think of happy times with Jaxon is an easy thing to do ... they’re plentiful and so very sweet. And anyone who knows me, knows that he’s one of my favorite things to talk about so I’m going to share with you some of my favorite memories and those from his beloved mom and dad. Our hearts have taken pictures of moments too numerous to count.
He was the first grandchild on either side of the family and he certainly knew it. Many a night you could find him surrounded by a roomful of adults just watching and ‘ooh’ing and ‘aw’ing over him. It didn’t take much to get an applause. He had an amazing spirit around him and without even demanding it, he was always the center of attention. You just wanted to be around him.
It wasn’t long and Lori was calling him her ‘little man’ ... nothing could’ve said it better ... he was a little man. An adult spirit inside the most precious, beautiful boy you’ve ever seen. His blue eyes were like heaven and he had a smile that made you feel like the most important person in the world. And you might just feel that way until you saw him look at his mom. The love that Jaxon had for his mom made any other pale in comparison. She was his whole world and the love that she and Ryan had for Jaxon, he shared with everyone around him.
Family was everything to him. He loved his grandparents and has special names for each of them: Papa Bill, Bette, MaLyn and Papa Reu. He was loved and adored by his aunts and uncles, and while growing up fast in the company of all these grown ups, he was relieved when Aunt Kimmy had the twins whom he affectionately called Pamri and Poby. The three of them had a pretty special relationship. Kamri and Koby loved their Jaxon. When saying family prayers, Jaxon would listen carefully and if Ryan or Lori asked for a special blessing for the family, Jaxon would say, “You need to say ALL the people” ... and wouldn’t let the prayer continue until everyone’s name had been said.
He loved to dance and sing... Lori says that ever before he was born, as soon as she could feel him kick, he was kicking to the beat of whatever music was playing. As soon as Jaxon was old enough to watch TV—the “Barney Adventure” began. Every time the “I Love You” song came on, he would say, “Mommy, you need to come sing this wit me.” and they’d hold hands and dance around the room and when it came to the part where the song says ‘a kiss from me to you’ they would kiss each other on both cheeks. No matter how he was feeling, Jaxon loved to move. If he was feeling good, he would dance with his whole body. If he wasn’t feeling so hot, he would dance with his fingers, and when he was feeling his worst, he would still tap his toe under his blanket.
He loved being outside and enjoying the sunshine ... the summer before last, Ryan and Lori and Jaxon would go camping a couple of times a month. Jaxon loved to see the squirrels run down the trees, watch the water run over the rocks and hang out with his mom and dad. When it started to get dark, they would build a huge campfire to roast marshmallows and hot dogs and Jax would arm in arm with his dad. The two of them loved getting into trouble together. There were times when Lori would g et home from work and find the two of them sitting on the floor amidst a bagful of empty Starburst wrappers or she’d find the entire basement remodeled into a multi-room fort. Jaxon and dad would coax mom into watching TV with them inside their newly created ‘entertainment room’.
Jax was so smart. You only had to tell him once and he got it. He would ask all kinds of questions and once you’d explained it to his satisfaction, he’d nod his head and let it go ... if you didn’t explain it well enough, watch out! He’d keep asking until he was satisfied ... then days or weeks later, he could explain it right back to you. He remembered everything. When Jaxon was just a little over two years old, he and Ryan had made a Valentine for Lori and she had put it up on her bedroom wall next to a picture of Jesus. On a recent trip home from the hospital, Jaxon hadn’t been home for quite some time and when he went into his mom and dad’s room, he asked his mom where the valentine was ... it had fallen behind the night stand and he said, “You need to put it back up mommy.” It was amazing how quickly he picked up concepts and ideas. Whenever he had dome something for the first time, he’d shout, “I did it! I did it!” It was amazing to watch him learn.
I remember the day that Jaxon was diagnosed with Neuroblastoma. When the doctor explained that this was a rare form of childhood cancer, Ryan and Lori, as you can imagine were in shock - but instead of breaking down or falling apart, they immediately asked ... What do we need to do? Where do we need to go? and When can we start? I remember Ryan turning to Lori and saying, “This is our ‘normal’ now. We just go from here.” I was amazed at their strength and resolve that would surely be tested, but it was easy to see that Jaxon’s well-being and comfort were their first priority.
In the months that followed, there was plenty of time spent at Primary Children’s Hospital.While going through treatment, there were endless hours painting and playing games ... creating shaving cream sculptures, hiding under blankets and in cupboards. His mischevious nature always kept you smiling. It was Jaxon who lifted everyone’s spirits. I remember when I’d leave his room to go grab him some root beer, I’d turn around when I’d reached the door and teasingly say, “Don’t go anywhere!” (not like he could as he was connected to many tubes), and he’d just smile and say defiantly, “I will!” ...
Earlier this year on Valentine’s Day, I walked into his room at Primary’s and opened the door to one of the funniest things I’d ever seen. He and grandpa Reuel were painting on the window. A nurse had brought in all kinds of washable paints and they had not only painted the window, but each other’s faces and Jaxon’s beautiful head ... they were laughing so hard.
Jaxon’s emotions were so pure. If he was happy ... you couldn’t help but be in a great mood yourself, but if he was in a bad mood, he’d let you know. You always knew where you stood with him. There weren’t many hidden messages. There was a time when they ‘snuck’ Jaxon home from the hospital for the weekend, and he was outside riding in his Jeep and when Lori asked him if cousin Koby could get into the Jeep with him ... he simply replied, “I think not. Poby heaby.” His sweet honesty kept all of us around him in stitches.
Jaxon never complained. He never wanted anyone to see him hurt. Especially his dad. After his surgery, I remember him being in a tremendous amount of pain. Instead of complaining to his dad, he would ask Ryan to sit on the couch on the opposite side of the room and Jaxon would turn his back to his dad so that Ryan wouldn’t see him hurting. When asked if he was okay, he would either nod his head or say, “I fine, I okay.” He was the bravest little boy. Everyone at Primary’s loved our little Jaxon. The surgeon who operated on Jax was known around the hospital as being really good, but a little cold, and not that friendly. Ryan talked with her before the surgery and told her that he didn’t know if she believed in God or not, but that she would have help from above while working on Jaxon. She spent eight hours removing tumor from him and saved one of his kidneys by spending hours and hours removing microscopic bits of tumor from his renal artery. He would need both of his kidneys in good working order to help his bone marrow transplants. After the surgery, Dr. Meyers checking on Jaxon quite often and they formed a unique friendship. When she came in to see him, he would wave to her with his foot. He had a habit of putting his arms behind his head while laying in bed as if he were watching the sun cross the sky and he couldn’t be bothered moving one of them to wave to her. It cracked her up and from then on, it was their special ‘thing.’ All of Jaxon’s doctors were amazed by him and would often comment about his unheard-of positive response to the toughest treatment a cancer patient can endure. He was such a trooper. We often teased that if he’d had his hair—you’d never have known that was sick.
After Jax’s first bone marrow transplant, and while adjusting to living in an apartment in Salt Lake, Lori took him to the grocery store ... and because his immune system had pretty much been wiped out, they had to be extra careful about germs and any kind of bacterial infections ... so it was kinda tricky to shop for some of his favorite foods, but he wanted cheesecake. Lori explained the whole situation to the lady in the bakery and this nice woman was more than willing to make a special New York-Style cheesecake just for Jaxon. And it must been special, because Ryan and Lori said it was the heaviest cheesecake they’d ever lifted. They took home their fun dessert and put it in the fridge. It was forgotten about until the next morning when Jaxon woke up and said, “Hey, I want some of that cheesecake” ... so he climbed down off the bed, went out into the kitchen, opened the refrigerator door, pulled out all the items that were in front of his much-anticipated treat, put them on the floor, took out the cheesecake - set it aside and put all of the other items BACK into the fridge. He then shut the refrigerator door, picked up the cheesecake and walked it back to the bedroom door. Well, because the air conditioner was on, the bedroom door had shut by itself and Ryan and Lori were still in bed, listening to to Jaxon wiggle the door knob. He yelled out, “Open the freakin’ door!” He must’ve had one arm under the very heavy cheesecake and the other on the door, because all they heard next was, “Open the freakin’ door right now!” and then THUD. Ryan opened the door to find the cheesecake turned upside down on the floor, (thankfully it was still inside it’s container) and Jaxon just looked up at Ryan and said, “You need to get a fork” ... so the three of them sat on the bed eating cheesecake right out of the container.
A few weeks after his second transplant, the doctors would let Jaxon, if he wore his mask, go outside and feed the birds in the little courtyard just outside the front doors of the hospital. He loved to do this with his grandmas and grandpas as they visited often. One day, after a particularly hard night, Ryan told the nurses in the Bone Marrow Unit that he was taking Jaxon outside to feed the birds and wanted to know what time the next round of medication was supposed to start. It wasn’t going to start for about five hours, so they told him to enjoy the time outside, but that Ryan and Jaxon needed to stay out in front of the hospital—because they weren’t supposed to let them stay outside for too long ... but all the nurses had grown quite fond of Jaxon and knew how much he loved to be outside. Well, you know Ryan ... give him and inch, and he’ll take a couple of miles. He took Jax and they got in the truck and headed to the apartment. They laid down for a little nap, and a few hours later woke up from a wonderful, much needed sleep. Just then I called Ryan on his cell phone—I hadn’t been able to get a hold of them at the hospital, so I was wondering what was ‘up’—Ry told me they were headed to the park. I told them I would meet them there. We played hide-and-seek and ran around for quite a while ... Jaxon loved it! He would count 1 2 3 ... 8 9 10! and say, “Ready daddy? Here I come!” and we’d go look behind every wrong tree before finally finding that daddy had actually climbed a tree! I can still hear him laughing! In the days that followed, the nurses tried to get Jaxon to tell them where daddy had taken him ... they would tease and ask him if daddy took him for a ride on his motorcycle, or if he had taken him to the apartment, or even to Idaho! Jax just smiled and said with a little grin, “I will never tell!”
His time in the hospital was long and so hard, but he did it like he did everything ... he did it with everything that he had in him. His doctors have told Ryan and Lori that they have to know that they did everything right. They did everything that was asked of them and more. Jaxon couldn’t have been any braver or fought any harder.
Some of the sweetest memories for Ryan and Lori have happened in just this last week. When they found out they were pregnant, Jaxon just knew the baby was going to be a brother. Many times, after getting a new toy or learning something new, he would mention that he would have to “show brother”. When little brother Jacob finally came home from the hospital on Sunday morning, the first thing Jax wanted to do was kiss him. What a sweet day. Lori told me that Jaxon held Jacob while feeding him a bottle and didn’t want him out of his sight. When Lori put Jacob in the bassinet, Jax said he couldn’t see Jacob, so they laid him on the couch right next to Jaxon. A little while later, he wanted to brush Jacob’s hair, so they laid little Jacob on Jaxon’s chest and he brushed and kissed his sweet little brother’s head for a long time. What a precious time it was for Ryan and Lori to watch their boys together ...
We’re here today to celebrate the life of a valiant spirit who touched us all. He showed many of us what pure love means. He was indeed a ‘little man’—but without question was choice among men.
Jaxon was one of my very best friends. To spend time with him was to know exactly what was important in life. I love him with ALL of my heart. For all the lessons he taught me, for the unconditional love and incredible example he was to me. One of my favorite scriptures is 2 Nephi 21:30 — It talks about keeping a “perfect brightness of hope” and enduring to the end and that if we do, we will have eternal life. Jaxon IS my perfect brightness of hope. I am so very grateful for the knowledge that families are forever and that life is eternal. I pray that we may all keep a ‘perfect brightness of hope’— a hope that we might live worthily that one day we might return to our Father in Heaven and be reunited for eternity with those we love so very much.
